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10 May 2011 @ 10:22 am

gonna' try using plurk again i guess? my plurk is →sakugarne so add it if you'd like.

Current Mood: nervousnervous
♫ can you 『tango』 ♬
06 May 2011 @ 07:56 pm
It's a little unfortunate but having an empty house to myself has given me a lot of time to think about things I would and wouldn't like to think about. The first few days of my 'break' from the internet were tearful and horrible and for awhile I got much better after some people let me speak to them instead of keeping my feelings all inside. Today seems to be the official end of that 'nice' break period, but I suppose that's okay.

Once again I've driven someone I idolized away from me with how I (unwillingly) am, but this time it unfortunately means I have to let go of a lot more. I've loved pokedressing since I first started there, but with how things are now, and how I am with dealing with those things I really don't think I can properly 'go back' there. Sure once and awhile I may treat it like a proper DR and drop by, but as for my huge 'cast' of characters there I think it's best to consider them all dropped.

It's not fun, typing this, and it does bring me to tears losing so much CR, or chances for CR - but I've already lost so much CR, so many AU's, from my own screw up, that it's really impossible for me to go back and see those characters without getting emotional. While it leaves me without a place to play my favourite characters anymore...what can I really do? It's an unfortunate situation I've had to come to, and it isn't one that makes me happy, but it's better for everyone, even if it'll take me a longer time to get to that "better". I may be losing a lot of friends by doing this, but... but I don't even know. It hurts a lot that a lot of people wont really be interested in me at all anymore by doing this, but it's...okay.

So once again, like many many times before, I guess I have to start over again. I'll never find a place like pokedressing again, but maybe I can find somewhere else on LJ that I might be able to fit in, even if just for a little while. I don't think I'll find, or look for it, anytime soon but...

The offer to musebox is always open to anyone, I don't want anyone thinking this post means I don't want to play with them at all, since I seem to have given than impression to people no matter if I seem to insist otherwise. So yes, do not be put off with the idea to IM me and say "hey, wanna tag ____" or "let's do this". 99% of the time I am going to say yes.

I'm defriending some people again - mostly PDR people who I personally feel don't have much of an interest in me beyond roleplaying, if that isn't the case, then please feel free to ask to be re-added. If you're offended then that really wasn't my intent - I'm sorry for that. Right now I'm just trying my best to protect my own feelings, since I seem to be doing such a terrible job of that in every other way. I understand my ways of dealing with things aren't what people would consider 'right', but it's hard for me to see things in another way due to my paranoid and all-around self-depreciating nature. I know it's not easy for people to be patient with me, or to bother with me at all, and I understand that, but I just wish they could talk it out with me instead of giving up on me so quickly.

...I'd apologize for the TL;DR, but it's my own journal, and I'd like to be able to properly express myself in it for once, even if the idea of leaving this kind of post public utterly terrifies me. I'd like everyone to be able to read it whether they're on my flist or not, since I don't quite think I can come to post an entry in PDR about not going back at all.

I'm drawing a blank on anything more to say, so I suppose I shouldn't force myself and just...leave this as it is. If you bothered reading, thank you.
Current Location: dad's house
Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
portal 2 ending
you so crazy
you so crazy

seriously it is so crazy you guys i had +many keysmash replies at gage in my gratuitous amounts of snickering

also i'm in space

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Current Location: dad's house
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: the great food truck race
♫ can you 『tango』 ♬
18 April 2011 @ 10:27 pm
friends cut

basically either people who didn't friend me back after i fudged up my rename, people i don't really talk to, or various other things. if you'd like me to friend you back or i made some kind of mistake go ahead and ask - if not, well huzzah.
Current Location: dad's house
Current Mood: worriedworried
♫ can you 『tango』 ♬
15 April 2011 @ 02:43 pm
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in happier news, i am replaying phantom brave, my favourite NIS game, on the PSP while gage plays a PS2 copy. fuck my ash muse is so hella' strong after all these years but i can't think of a username. any ideas? i asked anon meme but like many people have played it gfhfgjfj.

i may or may not make a custom darkweapon for marona, idk yet sob. maybe i should start grabbing weeds in the dungeons...shit the allure of a darkweapon is too much.

ED stopped being a cesspool and now it's useless to me. i no longer have a quick place to grab the ಠ_ಠ emoticon. THANKS FOR NOTHING "OH INTERNET"

Current Location: the couch
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: connie text alerts
talked with someone about things that really cheered me up yesterday - to anyone it's not obvious to; i like being referred to as a boy. dude, guy, bro, sir, mr, hasubando, king etc. list goes on. i don't want to go through surgery to change my gender or anything but it's just more...comfortable! nice. i got a big smile on my face today when gage called me hasubando. not something everyone/anyone has to do...but it's just something i thought i'd mention. derp. i know it's a weird topic for a midget who dresses like a whore to mention. ಠ_ಠ

another good day; it was hella' windy outside today, and i demanded mom and i go out to get hot dogs and slushies. it was so worth it i got an extra large one because i am a slushiewhore (also secretly fat). then ciara and i went downtown to frolic and be sexy (we did).

mom and i went to chapters though, and i bought vol 2 and 3 of ultimo finally. shit i love this series so much. WHY AM I POOR I WANT TO COSPLAY ULTI..... and shit stan lee/hiroyuki takei why do you know just what i want in a series. ಠ_ಠ

also i am entirely sure that this hiatus at PDR will be staying for a long time if these last three days are any indication. if i can be happy this many days in a row simply by not going there then fuck i'll do that. so i'm not really interested in hearing about anyone's AU's/people's posts/characters unless you want me to tag them or something. plzktnx.

Current Mood: energeticenergetic
10 April 2011 @ 11:23 am
If you were a crayon, what color would you be, and why? What color would your ideal mate be, and why?

re: because it's chartreuse

my waifu's colours are the colours of my ideal mates. CONNIE GAGE LOMMY WAIFU'S WHAT ARE YOUR COLOURS?

yesterday we went to visit grandma at the old folks home finally. but instead of going straight there we went through her stuff a bit at home to decide what we were going to do with all of it. i didn't take my chair home this time, but we took some figurines and i took grandpa's old keys for my collection, and a necklace and charms. it has a heart, an anchor, a disc, and a cross on it. i'm not religious at all, i prefer to believe when i die it'll be black, but i'll wear it. when we went to the folks home i basically just conked out on grandma's bed the whole time. um. whoops.

also if i'm busy at night i don't feel like dying. victory. this means yesterday night was a non-tearful night.

Current Location: dad's house
Current Mood: refreshedrefreshed
07 April 2011 @ 07:47 pm


also please don't look at my icons
this icon is why


Tags: , ,
Current Mood: boredbored
♫ can you 『tango』 ♬
06 April 2011 @ 12:32 am
hiatused at PDR finally yesterday - so far not so good. i don't know what to do to help myself, but maybe i just need to think of it like a crack addiction or something - it'll get better with time. who knows.

went to rebecca's stepdad's fathers wake yesterday evening. i'm not good with death if you're looking at me from nearby (i cried a lot despite hardly knowing him), but i like to think of it as i'm just very compassionate. so maybe that means i'm good with death, who knows. it was very ceremonial, he played in a band so the entire band (including rebecca) played. we went to dimitri's after and i got a banana split, it was mostly just to eat the fruit, w h o o p s.

i've been really emo lately, so i might do a friends cut, who knows. nice nice things happened today and yesterday but they just get squished by my emo in the evenings and i hate it.

also this hogs gone wild show on discovery is terrible. or rather having to listen to hogs shriek intensely until they decide to kill them is terrible. at least the hogs don't go to waste, but i hate that noise, it tears me up. baah.

Current Mood: gloomygloomy
31 March 2011 @ 01:53 am
i'd heard of young justice
then conan made me giggle over it in that one episode

but i never expected to watch it - jew came over since her mom's boyfriend had a family member in the hospital nearby and it was hella' awkward to just sit around. i showed her the conan clip and decided to just watch all 9 episodes online until she had to go.

fffuuuuuck shipping erryone all day erryday. ide. robin is a hipster little douche, and ffffuuuck dem normal glasses (SEEING HIS EYES IS LIKE SOME FORBIDDEN TREAT). and wally is adorable. and i like megan she is actually cute once i remember HEY SHE IS A LITTLE MARTIAN GIRL SHE'S ALLOWED TO BE A DUMB TEEN. and super boy is an angry ragebeast and +1000 hilarity. aqua lad is the cutest too, too bad TEH GHEY isn't a normal thing, then he could have got with that cute training partner instead of ex-girlfriendo :3c my shipping goggles are on forever okok

i actually hate artemis but that's p much how she was introduced TBH. what did they expect uhhhh. RED ARROW JUST JOIN THE PARTY STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE GOSH (no don't stop) it doesn't help all the FORESHADOWING is shoving pairings down throats either. not that i really care if artemis and wally get together i mean ummm yeah so obvious sob. especially after EPISODE 9 WITH MEGAN AND SUPER BITCH.......

also klarion is really hot (the LORD OF CHAOS sociopath kid), hot in the sense i want copious amounts of porn of him, or just want to rp him. weird how the lines blur there.

in other news i need a prince cosplay. any kind of prince /)///(\

Current Mood: bouncybouncy